Friday, April 20, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
The Hipster Diet
................. 'Kay.............. I'm done now.
Smells Like Zanita
Oh well... yay long shirts and blazers so that it looks like you're not wearing anything on the bottom!
Whip yo hair
That Couple
So my boyfriend's birthday was recently and I decided I didn't want to get him more lizards and frogs are really loud at night. So it came to me from Roald Dahl's Esio Trot: I'm going to get him a turtle. A tortoise to be specific. We'll be that couple in NYC or Washington, DC with the little pet tortoise. We've agreed to spend the money and get it from an actual breeder so that... well I can't remember why we decided to do that but something about safety or animal treatment or whatever... not supporting black market tortoises? Anyways, we'll need to be in a position where we can have a somewhat larger apartment because I'm not okay with making the tortoise live in a tiny cage or box or whatever. He needs his play pen. And we're going to give him an intense name. Like 'Bastian (short for Sebastian), Azizi or Nevan (anglicized version of an Irish name that means "little holy one"). Ooh, I like the name Sebastian...
10 Alternative Uses for Pet Tortoises:
1) Doorstop
2) Mobile h'ordeuvres tray
3) Foot rest
4) Socializer: Take tortoise for a very slow creep down the street and see how many people you'll meet through it (that rhymes!)
5) Low table
6) Message carrier: Tape messages to the tortoises back and make it shlump back and forth between you and your spouse in the apartment when you're in a fight.
7) Tripping site: Literally trip with your friends and then just stare at the tortoise, never tried it, never known or heard of anyone who's tried it but intuitively it seems like the right thing to do)
8) Pseudo bongo drum
9) Dude Pick-up: Single woman? Your tortoise is gonna have all the dudes in the park talking to you.
10) Cross body bag
** Alternative uses for a tortoise are a joke. If you actually did this, you are a horrible person.
Ballerinas and Cigarettes
Mosquito Netting
Dibs.
Books
I wanted desperately to get back to Last Night At Chateau Marmont and China Dolls (the first book about Asian women that I ever identified with, and the identification was minimal at that). Eventually, I stopped reading all together. From the last two years of high school and the first two years of college, I struggled to read anything anyone put under my nose (which ranged from romance novels to German philosophical theorists). It didn't matter the caliber, quantity, genre or even the print style if the text! I had forgotten how to read and it took a long time to jog it back to the speed and comprehension level it should have been at.
Things to run away screaming with:
1) Parenting isn't about shoving the right books, the right TV shows and the right habits under your children's noses. It's not about giving your children more freedom and using reverse psychology in the hopes that they find their way either. It's about adapting incrementally to suit your child, the environment they are growing up in, etc.
2) Who cares what kind of books you're reading?! As long as you're reading! That's not to say that important fiction and non-fiction about political figures and war torn countries should be discarded... those kinds of books widen your brain scope and that's what globalization is all about. For every three romance, fantasy or whatever novels... check up on what's going on in the world. You don't even need to read an entire book actually! Get NY Times app on your phone! Best app in the world! Only the top and most current news is free! I skim through it every other day. When I'm too busy, I'll just read the titles and maybe the first sentence of the article. It gives you a one sentence briefing also so you don't have to open every article in order to see what it's about.
Also I'm going to subscribe to The Atlantic when I get my first job. Best magazine ever. You don't have to have a pretty involved background in politics like Time Magazine readers do. They have a section for everything from interesting stories by war journalists, political pieces and economic pieces. It's an easy read. And you don't have to sit down and the read the whole thing. Skim around and look for an interesting story. Come back to the other stories. Sooner or later you'll realize you've read every story in there so you might as well get to that boring looking article on Europe's debt problems so you can say you read the whole damn magazine. I keep it by the toilet. TMI? Get The Economist too if you're feeling brave.
3) There's really no such thing as a bad book. I mean there is. But look at it this way: at least you're literate.
Tally ho!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Obsessed
These are all shirts from Tobi by various designers. The Asian-ish looking model is scarily skinny and has a huge head but besides that, the color palette of these shirts and the rest of the outfit is mouth watering. The white girl could use a hamburger too. I'm obsessed with pastels and really bright (but not garish) colored button ups!
Minus the hooker shorts and tucked into a beautiful midi length black pencil skirt, these shirts can look sophisticated but sexy and really show off jewelry or skin tone at work :) Still trying to figure out how to make my curly but mostly frizzy hair look professional at work without straightening it.
Straightening or blow drying completely dries out your hair, regardless of the stupid anti-heat spray people advertise. And that's just kind of counterproductive to getting rid of frizz. I've been using a leave-in moisturizer/conditioner that's been making my hair really nice and soft! Also growing my hair super super long has been helpful: weighs everything down so its not so...effin' everywhere, basically.
I have so much hair though, it's so thick! I have no idea how they section of the hair for each styled wave and curl for this shoot. Blehh..
Anyways, for anyone who's entirely disproportionate with a ridiculously long torso and really short legs, these shirts look amazing if you want to make your top half look proportional to your bottom. I can never find anyone with the extreme body shape I have when I look up styles for my body type. I have a long torso and short legs but when I say long torso, I mean I made cropped tops look like bras and my legs are so short I have to push my seat as close as it can go to the steering wheel when I drive my car so I can reach the pedals comfortably.
I'm slim, probably just the right weight, not too, too skinny but by no means over weight in the slightest. Only problem is, all my weight goes straight to my thighs and my butt. I have a TINY upper half, zero boobs, and a waist so anorexic looking that it doesn't fit shit. But weirdly enough, then I have a donk (not a serious booty, just huge for my frame) and that shit I gotta squeeze into skirts and shorts and jump up and down to get into pants. It's redonkulous. Pun intended.
So, what I've discovered so far from trial and error because it seems like no one else in this freakin' world has the same body type as me... (a lot of these tips are workwear oriented btw because I'm going to graduate soon and I've been freaking out about finding professional but fashionable stuff)..
1. Wear padded bras to make your tits proportional to your butt.
2. Don't bother looking for button-ups that you can tuck into your trousers for work because the only ones long enough look kind of like summery tunics and those are unprofessional for most offices.
3. Never get a pencil skirt unless it looks a little bit longer than usual or is midi-length. Otherwise the slit in the back that'll look normal on most girls will be directly below your butt and everyone will think you're wearing a promiscuous skirt when in reality your waist is so long that in order for anything high waisted to sit where it should be on your torso it means your hemline ends up being wicked short. The tugging on the sides to pull it down are not worth the cute skirt.
4. Heels are awesome cuz they make your legs look longer and the higher the better. No straps or designs or anything across the foot or it'll section your ankle off and make your leg look stubby. Make sure you find the fine line between slutty pumps and nice heels for work AKA opened toe equals NO. Generally. Unless you have a really nice pedicure :) But who the fuck pays for that shit? No offense but one time a girl asked me if I wanted to have a spa day with her and was like "Omg it's only like $40 for a face mask blah blah blah" and I didn't have the heart to tell her that if I had $40 to blow I would be running to a thrift store to buy $5-$10 dollar skirts, shirts and blazers and that thrift store would be fifty blocks in the opposite direction of spa. If I wanted a spa day I'd go trip and fall into some mud and get some cucumbers out the fridge. PS: don't ever wear legit ankle boots that literally just cut off at your ankle. They'll make your legs look stubby.
5. I have no suggestions for shorts other than unless your legs are really really skinny, don't wear anything baggy, don't wear anything too tight and don't wear anything ridiculously short. I really wouldn't go past mid thigh either. If you're the kind of girl to wear heels with shorts then it really doesn't matter what your shorts look like. Bermuda shorts make your legs look longer so probably look at those. I'm still figuring out how to make my legs look normal in the summer without heels. So far, high waisted ripped jean hipster shorts are the way to go with a really loose button up, tunic sort of shirt or low cut shorts with a long v-neck t-shirt. I have no idea. I can't make rules about shorts. I hate figuring out what to wear during summer. Jackets and blazers are the best for shorts because they'll emphasize your top instead but if you live in a really hot area then jackets and blazers just overheat you. This paragraph was really unhelpful.
6. Buy lots and lots and lots and lots of strong shouldered blazers and jackets of every color and cut. Just make sure they're not cropped blazers, obviously that'll just emphasize how long your torso is. Blazers and jackets bring attention to your top half and make your top half look proportional to your bottom. Especially if you're bottom heavy like me. I've never met anyone who has a long torso and short legs that was top heavy before.. Anyways, yeah jackets and blazers really even everything out. They're amazing.
7. Please don't wear any tops that hug your neck in any way. All the magazines and stylists say that to make your top look bigger, you should have a neckline that's tight, not v-necks or boat necks. Not true. True for some, not really though. For long torsos, you need to emphasize the shoulders. Covering up your front makes your boobs look bigger but it also makes your top half look way longer. Low cut tops show more skin and make your top half look shorter. I'm not explaining this well at all. I don't really care.
Wow. Just realized I posted the same photo at the beginning and end of the collage. Go me.
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